The Downside of Being a Fangirl

I was 12 shots deep (approx).

I was hot.

I was front row.

I was with my friends.

I was enjoying the music.

Until I wasn’t…

Imagine having to get pulled out of front row at a concert from heat, dehydration & the anxiety felt through all of the above. I’ve always had a love for concerts & music but it really started to escalate when my friend introduced me to Timeflies spring of my sophomore year of college. It was an obsession at first listen, playing their song Stunner (acoustic) more times than I could count when we went on spring break that year. I. Could. Not. Get. Enough. The excitement of them releasing a “Timeflies Tuesday” on YouTube every week. The excitement of getting to see them live for the first time (for free & front row, yuuuus please). The excitement of meeting them for the first time & then eventually building what I call a “fanship” with them as they started to get to know us as fans on a more intimate level than just going to their shows.

The one thing I didn’t expect from the excitement of following a band around was the anxiety I started having. Once I started to get deeper & deeper into the fandom, I became part of a Timeflies fan Facebook group (where I met some of my best friends to this day) & got to meet so many people from all over who also shared that same love. We would all tweet each other our thoughts about the band as well. Meeting strangers through the internet…who would’ve thunk (it’s less sketch than you would think, but be careful yo, you never know who you may come across).

The fangirling became escalated when I would go to show after show with the fans/friends I had met through the internets. We would try to get there as early as possible, trying to compete with each other of who could get to the venue first (how silly). Here I was sitting at the venue, waiting for the doors to open, counting down the minutes until the doors open, worrying about getting my ticket scanned fast enough so that we could “walk” to the front row to secure our spot. Even if we were the first people in line, I still for some reason thought we weren’t going to make it or my ticket wasn’t going to scan or we were going to be held back or SOMETHING. I was always just worrying.

This, in turn, caused me to have anxiety. The build up of waiting all day just caused that weird panic you get when you experience anxiety. Why was I so in my head back then that I just worried about every little thing? There are still times to this day that when I am close to a speaker, at a concert, or at church during worship that I get a tightened chest just from PTSD of being front row at so many concerts. It’s a weird feeling & I try to just be mindful, let myself feel the anxiety, & know that it will pass eventually.

To any other fangirl, fanboy, concert goer, music lover, etc: let the small shit go. It will all work out how it’s supposed to. You will get the spot at the concert you want. You will get into the venue. You will most likely have a good time. & if it doesn’t go how you wanted, set lower expectations next time. Just ENJOY LIFE. Life is too short to worry & be anxious. Whatever happens, happens…and just know, the post concert depression feeling is WORTH IT!

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