Jess Nelson Hi PCDers! Although we mainly focus on covering live music, there is a mental health aspect associated with what we do. So…I’m here to divulge something I’ve been doing lately that has tremendously improved my mental health: a life elimination diet.
So I’m sure you’ve heard of people doing an elimination diet when it comes to their food. This is essentially the same concept but for my life. I essentially have freed up my social life & schedule by eliminating things that weren’t serving me anymore or that I was only going to because I felt obligated. I think we do things in life trying to please others instead of listening to ourselves & deciding what is best. This includes not worrying about how others feel about it. Yes, I definitely get being compassionate & that sometimes you have to give up your wants for others, but that shouldn’t be the norm. We can’t be there for others if we’re not there for ourselves first.
“I essentially have freed up my social life & schedule by eliminating things that weren’t serving me anymore or that I was only going to because I felt obligated.”
This had been bubbling up for a while as something I needed to do, but there were obstacles in my way. The first part of my “elimination diet” was my full time “secure” job. God had finally given me the sign to quit & pursue entrepreneurship. I’d been wanting to this but fear held me back; on the same token, though, it’s all about God’s timing. By doing this, I now had full control over my schedule. The absolute mental freedom this gave me was everything. And this is an understatement. I didn’t realize until this but for most of my life I’d been under someone else’s control. My parents. My college classes, functions, etc (there was definitely more freedom here though). And then finally the different jobs that’d I’d worked since graduating college. The only time I could really feel this freedom was when I’d get a longer vacation.
After freeing up my time, I started to look at my circle. I was attending a church & around community that as a whole didn’t support who I am as a person in the LGBTQ+ community. I felt I had to hide who I was for fear of being judged or ousted from the church. This is not a knock to the people there as I made some wonderful friends & met some wonderful people. It just wasn’t a safe space for ME anymore. I wasn’t able to connect to God in the way that I used to. And that is okay. I think I put this place on a pedestal thinking it was my relationship with God, rather than putting in the work independently to maintain that relationship. It was such a weight lifted off my shoulders when I made the decision to free myself from this place.
“It was such a weight lifted off my shoulders when I made the decision to free myself from this place.”
For a while there, my finances were also a factor that determined eliminating going out and being social. Starting a business ain’t easy, folks. The penny pinching you do to make it work held me back from living my life. But God always came through in that aspect. At some point since quitting, my mindset finally flipped to: God’s got me & it’s okay to spend money. Whether that was going out to buy myself a coffee, going on a drive, or enjoying a nice Bartaco margarita. I felt trapped by finances there for a little but we persevered & are able to let God worry about it. I take it day by day and try to not let my financial anxiety get the best of me.
I’m still in the midst of this elimination diet life. What I am doing now is reintroducing aspects that bring me joy. I’m being very picky about who I choose to spend my time with. I want to surround myself with people who amplify me, rather than make me feel drained. Another is standing up for myself to ensure my voice is heard & my needs are met. For years, I’ve let people disrespect me. I realized it’s because I hadn’t given myself the space to really sit with myself. By this, I mean space to figure out who I am, what I need, etc. Depression can really get you but I’m glad to say God has healed me of that and I can now look at life through a different lens.
“What I am doing now is reintroducing aspects that bring me joy.”
Some other things I want to reintroduce but haven’t yet are church & fitness. The church part I haven’t gotten to yet, mainly because I don’t think I’m ready to add something back into my schedule. Sundays are my “do absolutely nothing days” and that usually includes not leaving the house. We’ll get there eventually but right now, it’s working for me to stay home & be with me, myself and I. Additionally, by not using a building as my scape goat to connect with God, I am finding ways to do that in my everyday life. He is with you ALWAYS and I want to get to a place where I’m maintaining a relationship with Him on my own before I reintroduce church.
In terms of fitness, that’s been an area I’ve not paid much attention to over the past couple years. I enjoy food, ya heard? But I haven’t been feeling so great about my body lately. I’ve definitely overcome some roadblocks there as I’m coming to terms with accepting my body the way it is. It’s so easy to compare our present selves to our past selves (for me, it was my rocking flat stomach and skinny bod I had in high school). But that’s in the past and can’t intercede with who we are now. I’ve said in recent years that I didn’t want to diet, I want it to be a lifestyle. And I haven’t gotten to the place where fitness is a part of my everyday routine. It’s okay to have that goal but also I am not setting any sort of timeline or “weekly workout goal” because the pressure that puts on me and shame I feel if I don’t meet that goal sets me back from actually making any change. I do aspire to get there by eating healthier and working out more, but it’s a day by day thing as lifestyle changes take time.
“It’s easy to compare our present selves to our past selves. But that’s in the past and can’t intercede with who we are now.”
To sum it all up: by eliminating things in our life via this “elimination diet”, it gives us the freedom to try things out and determine what really brings us joy. We can discover new passions, or try something and decide it’s not for us. I always thought choosing myself and my needs was selfish, and some may view it that way. But all we really have is ourselves. And when we prioritize ourselves, everyone wins.
